the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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