That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
