I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
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