i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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