Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
