Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
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Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
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Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.