After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.