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• (802): View more from Vermont

  I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  Whats the count minus fat chicks?

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (940): View more from Texas

  Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday

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• (618): View more from Illinois

  I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo

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• (954): View more from Florida

  I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.

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• (510): View more from California

  You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.

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