I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.