I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
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i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
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Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee