dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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