a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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