Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
