my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
