They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
zippers are such a cool invention
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When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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