My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
