Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
