I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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