Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
