I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
