i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
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