If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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