Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
