i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
