so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Randomize
