Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
too bad you live with your parents still
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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