Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
