i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
