Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
