Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
