I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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