girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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