i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
