she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
