i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
