No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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