It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
