Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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