oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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