I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
