I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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