Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
