maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
