yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
