And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
