can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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