White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
