Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
