So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
