____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
