This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
All I want is dick and wine.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
