I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
