Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
