I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
