then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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