my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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