from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize