What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
