just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
pray to the hookup gods
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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