How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I did not marry a roomba.
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