??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
