I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
